12:20, 20/12/2006

Five things you didn't know about Miss K

Blair Millen was 'kind' enough to tag me with this meme...

1. I was named after Karl Marx

My Japanese name, Kaoru, is the closest thing my dad could find phonetically to "Karl". I was named after the proponent of permanent revolution not because my father necessarily held to his ideals, but because he admired Marx's belief and intellect. Ironically, Kaoru is much more of a girl's name than a boy's name, though it can be used as both. Perhaps there was some foreshadowing going on there...

2. I once stuffed envelopes for a living

One of my first casual jobs as a student was stuffing envelopes for a Littlewoods pools agent who was running the weekly UK football pools game in Japan. As the hundreds of partcipants in Japan (by the addresses, it appeared to be mostly bored housewives) knew little about the beautiful game of footy, it was marketed as a rather complicated lottery game. I also ran the mail merge database that printed the sticky labels for the coupon envelopes. It was in that damp, freezing basement in Fitzrovia, London, that I caught bronchitis for the first time. Happy days.

3. I went to Tim Burton's first wedding

Before he met Lisa Marie and then Helena, the king of gloom first married a beautiful German girl whom I was at college with. He was over here directing a movie and they met at a party and fell in love. She was a good friend and I was invited to the wedding reception, though I actually met Tim first a few months before when we went to see The Manchurian Candidate in Notting Hill and Lena introduced him to me as "my boyfriend". I only worked out who he was over a pizza afterwards and blurted out embarrasingly "YOU'RE TIM BURTON!" Despite this, they still had me at their wedding, which was a low key affair. there was some talk that Jack Nicholson would be there, but in the event, the only celeb was Annie Lennox. Tim himself was very nice but he and Lena divorced not long afterwards.

4. I have a leaky right kidney

It apparently leaks calcium, leading to the the formation of stones. A few years ago, a small kidney stone about the size of a pea passed right down the ureter, into my bladder and out into the tip of my cock, where it became lodged. A surgical procedure you would not like to think about too hard was the only way it could be removed. Fortunately, it was a success and I am once again fully functional. Diet and drinking plenty of water has successfully controlled the stones since.

5. My hovercraft is full of eels

Not really, but I did learn an Eastern European language once. Russian, at O-Levels. It resulted in an exciting school trip to Moacow and St. Petersburg where I was sick from booze for the first time. I've never touched cherry brandy since.

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