Insomniac's boyfriend
So I'm unable to sleep, and was thinking about my last posting, and why I don't feel motivated to dress up right now.
(Not that I feel bad or apologetic or anything - perhaps some of you misinterpreted my tone there.)
And I had to agree with the reason I gave before: that the creative will has to be there for me to dress.
And when I dress myself up all pretty, and the illusion is successfully created, it can lead (like many creative acts) to the unfolding of many other diverse creative possibilities.
ie: Dressing up inspires me to be creative.
Wow. I'd never really pieced it together like that before.
So I started to look through my photostream for fragments of that spark and ended up putting together a set of 25 pics of myself that stimulate me the most. Hugely narcissistic, I know, but it made me feel again.
Which is important.
Look at this recent picture which I surprised myself by putting in the 25:
I'd never really noticed this one before. It looks nothing special really. The subject's slightly out of focus. Tonally it's a bit messy and compositionally it's not all that. And it almost looks like I have a comb over...
But I've decided I like it immensely.
And not just because of the rather arch eyebrows.
There's something in the blankness of my face that makes me think that there's possibility in there; something yet to come - almost a new thought about to spring.
At the same time, there's age in the face. You can see the experience and signs of wear and tear in there.
It's a still point in my life, full of the past yet redolent of the future. It's even symbolically echoed in the darkness behind me, the light on my face.
Or maybe this is all meaningless to everyone except me. Perhaps these personal epiphanies are destined to be lost to all but the person who experiences them. (The "epiphanee"?)
Anyway, I think I look pretty in it.
I don't know. It's 5.30am now, the birds are singing and I have to get up soon to get to Shoreditch - we're moving office today.
Maybe I'll sleep tomorrow night. Or maybe I'll dress up.
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